Put Your Dukes Up

I'll be the first to admit it: I am an awful person to get into an argument with. I'm incredibly stubborn. I really could care less about how other people feel about certain things. I'm aware that saying the above makes me sound like I think I'm entitled, but it's more that I just have very strong opinons.

Somehow I've started to change my ways.  I've started listening more, not yelling over other people, and not saying anything I'll regret when arguing. The more I listen to debates, conversations, fights, etc, I realize that it's important to care about what people have to say. 

This has become especially vital when fighting with the roomie. Don't get me wrong, we get along, but there are some things we just do not see eye to eye on.  Like State Patty's Day for instance.

The rule says ONE person. ONE. Last time I checked, one and seven are not nearly the same thing. So when my roommate nonchalantly asked me if I would "stay somewhere else" that weekend, it got my attention. My first response was to get angry. But I've slowly picked up on the fact that yelling doesn't actually get you anywhere. So I looked up and let her explain her case:

"Because... if you aren't here, then I can pass off one of my friends as you. And then I only have six extra people."

There are pretty much 100 reasons why that wouldn't work, but instead of being sassy and telling her off for how, for lack of a better word, dumb that is, I smiled and explained by reasoning.

First off, none of her friends look like me.  Second, I'm pretty sure if my RA, who happens to be one of my best friends, would realize that "Keirstyn" is, in fact, not me. 

After telling her my obviously logical reasons, she got mad, but never once yelled. We were both angry, but always listened to the other. Eventually she calmed down and apologized, realzing that she was a little bit off base.

I have never had a fight solved so easily before. By keeping control of what I was saying and making sure I listened, it really made it seem like I was interested in how she felt about the situation, which kept her from having further reasons to get mad at me. I didn't yell. I didn't say anything rude. Each of us had our chance to talk and it led to us being able to quickly figure things out.

Using rhetoric can lead to great outcomes. Quicker fights, logical outcomes, no one gets hurt, everyone gets a chance to talk. Although I didn't get her to budge on how many people will be living out of my room State Patty's Day, I did get my bed back. So maybe I'm crossing my fingers that she gets caught and her guests get kicked out, at least I kept it to myself.